Where am I???

I've been convinced.

And I'll catch you all from Sydney tomorrow.

Good on yer, mate

For those without enough corn in their lives.

Tim Tam Slams

For those without enough chocolate in their lives.
PS: Tim Tam Slams are seriously fantastic with milk. Trust me on this one.

Men at Work

Just in case there isn't enough cheese in your life.

Pun of the weak #35

What time does Serena Williams go to bed?

About tennis.

(In honour of her winning Wimbledon over the weekend.)

Pun of the weak #34

Bored with training watchdogs, a trainer tried to teach a dog to play classical music. It didn't work as its Bach was worse than its bite.

Pun of the weak #33

Is feeding someone oatmeal everyday considered gruel and unusual nourishment?

Michael Jackson

I was extremely surprised to learn just now of Michael Jackson's death on Thursday in Los Angeles, although I knew that he wasn't in the best of health for quite a while now.
I will admit that I've not been too impressed by him for many years now, but not for the problems in his personal life. No, my problem with Michael Jackson was this video (which, unfortunately, cannot be embedded):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-TZnNXXQrI
It was simply the greatest music video ever produced, and nothing he did after that ever came close to matching it. Every time I hear a creaking door, I expect to hear those familiar, spooky footsteps.
For "Thriller" alone, I'm grateful for the life of Michael Jackson.

'Scuse me, please while I...huh?!

Jimi Hendrix said he was going to "kiss the sky". Millions thought he was going to "kiss this guy", thus giving rise to probably the most famous mondegreen of all time.

What's a mondegreen? Well, it's a term coined in the 1950s by the writer Sylvia Wright (good name for a wrighter, er, writer), who, as a child, misheard the words the 17th century ballad "The Bonnie Earl O' Murray."

Ye Highlands and ye Lowlands,
Oh, where hae ye been?
They hae slain the Earl Amurray,
And Lady Mondegreen.

And young Sylvia felt so sad for Lady Mondegreen.

Years later, she discovered that what they had, in fact, done was slay the Earl of Murray and laid him on the green, and so she came up with the term, "Mondegreen" to represent what she'd done to her now non-existent heroine.

Enough with the history lesson. You know what a mondegreen really is, don't you? It's all those songs that you thought you were singing correctly, blissfully unaware of why everyone around you was rolling around in laughter. Or those songs that made you go, "Huh?" as you tried to make sense of the lyrics. Like this one did to me:

Life would be ecstasy/You and me and Leslie/Groovin'...

I thought that was kinky, even for the swingin' sixties. It took me years to realise that the Rascals were actually singing:

Life would be ecstasy/You and me endlessly/Groovin'...

Judging from the entries at Kissthisguy.com (warning: many hours of mirth to be obtained there), I'm not alone with this song.

This one, though, I know is an original:

If I said I love you, do you mind?/Mick and I'll love you, Do you mind?

About twenty years later, after listening to it repeatedly on a really good stereo, I finally divined that what Tony Newley was singing was:

If I said I love you, Do you mind?/Make an idol of you, Do you mind?

I hope Mick didn't mind being left out.

My mondegreens aren't restricted to English. Listen to the first song on my playlist. When I was a kid, this was a hit Hindi movie song, and the words of the first lines are:

Aap jaise koi meri zindagi mein aayen/To baath ban jaayen

(Idiomatic translation: If someone like you came into my life, it would be wonderful news)

My young ears, however, heard them as:

Aap jaise koi meri zindagi mein aayen/To baap ban jaayen

(Idiomatic translation: If someone like you came into my life, you'll become a father) Did I mention I nine when I was belting out these lyrics? Precocious.

So, what are your favourite mondegreens?

News of the weird #2

When I am confronted by a headline that reads 'Stoned wallabies make crop circles', the headline and its corresponding story have my attention. And this story was well worth my attention. I particularly enjoyed the comments at the bottom.

Rools phor Riting Gooder Inglish

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague.
6. Also, always absolutely avoid and abjure annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) inappropriate.
9. No sentence fragments.
10. One should never, ever generalise.
11. Contractions aren't necessary, and shouldn't be used.
12. Do not use no double negatives.
13. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
14. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.
15. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
16. Kill all exclamation marks!!!!!!
17. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
18. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place, and omit it when its not needed.
19. Puns are for children, not groan adults.
20. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Pun of the weak #32

Did you hear about the florist who had sons of contrasting intellectual capabilities? One was a budding genius, while the other was a blooming idiot.

The First of June

June 1st marked two unusual anniversaries for me.
First, it marked my being in India for one whole year. I haven't been in one country for at least 365 days in a row since I left the US in January 2004.
Second, it marked my being in Asia for three whole years. I haven't been in one continent for such an uninterrupted length of time since August 1993.
Life's really become dull of late.

Pun of the weak #31

Advice to the lovelorn: If at first you don't succeed, try a little ardour.

O Tempora, O Mores #6

Excellently funny article out of New Zealand about the dangers of letting kids near computers:
Toddler buys real digger online
A New Zealand couple nearly found themselves in a financial hole when their three-year-old daughter bought an earthdigger in an internet auction.

The child, Pipi Quinlan, was trying out her online skills while her parents were asleep in bed.

They only unearthed the truth when they received an email demand for NZ$20,000 (£8,000) from the seller.

Pipi's mother, Sarah, had left the computer logged on. The owner of the digger is not insisting on the sale.

Shock

Sarah Quinlan told the BBC that she had been looking for toys online, and using an automatic log-in to an auction site.

But a shock was in store when she got up the next day.

"When I found an email from a guy who said 'can you deposit the money?' I thought - hang on - this isn't quite what I expected," she said.

Pipi had only been allowed to use the computer for the first time the week before - but is obviously a fast learner.

"It's been a lot of fun," said Sarah, "She's earned a bit of notoriety."

But Sarah is determined the same thing will not happen again, and has urged the parents of other young children not to be caught out.

"I've taken all my automatic log-ins off anything she could purchase from," she said.

The Singh is king

Dr. Manmohan Singh was sworn-in yesterday for a second successive term as Prime Minister of India.

I was surprised that the ruling Congress party won again, as it bucks recent trends. This will be the first time since 1971 that a sitting Prime Minister has been re-elected. Usually Indians like to kick out the incumbents for a term and let the other guys loot and pillage for a while. We try to spread the wealth around amongst the crooks who are our politicians. (I thoroughly recommend this strategy to all other countries, too.)

Still, Dr. Manmohan Singh is a thoroughly decent man and not a career politician. He used to be chairman of the Reserve Bank of India, which meant he was highly influential in economic circles. Then he was appointed Finance Minister in 1991 and made a member of the Upper House. That term ended in 1996. Then the Congress Party spent a long time on the sidelines until winning quite unexpectedly in 2004 as part of a coalition. Dr. Singh was a very surprising compromise candidate to be Prime Minister, and now he's won a second term. By the time he's done, he'll be India's third-longest serving Prime Minister, which is remarkable for someone of his background.

He is immensely qualified to tackle the Indian economy, holding degrees in economics from both Cambridge and Oxford. Perhaps he cannot take all the credit, but it is immensely satisfying to note that during the mayhem in banking circles in many parts of the world, Indian banks did not experience the catastrophic failures that has plagued more celebrated names.

Five more years of this guy? Yes, I can deal with that.

Pun of the weak #30

Puns are for children, not for groan adults.

For the beauty of the earth...

The United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) has announced a goal of planting 7 billion new trees on the earth by the end of the year. Now, human-led climate change may be real or may be a hoax, but there should be few doubters that the loss of trees is a loss for all of us.
Forests and jungles get a raw deal from almost every side these days. On the one hand, swathes of trees are being cleared to feed the building-frenzy in parts of the world or for beef production to supply the fast-food industry. On the other hand, excessive protection is being blamed for supplying the fuel for the destructive forest fires in Victoria, Australia seen earlier this year.
The happy medium, it would seem, is to use trees wisely and at the same time replace the ones that have been felled. The latter, however, is somewhere that we've been lacking during our existence. Hence the UNEP's challenge to people everywhere to plant more trees.
While many of us may be struggling to contribute financially to such a cause, there may be a way for us to help out without having to spend money. A friend of mine sent me a link to a free search site called gearch.com. The people behind gearch have pledged to plant one tree for every 10 days that a registered user uses their site. And as you can choose your existing search engine (gearch is just a shell; I've set mine to google), you don't lose out on search capability.
I have not been able to verify independently (so far) whether or not these guys are legitimate, but if there is even a slight chance that they are, I'm taking it.
If you want to register with gearch, let me have your e-mail address and I can send you an invitation. Each accepted invitation earns one tree.
So, any takers?

Mind over matter

Chennai summers are slightly on the warmish and humid side (note the ironic understatement). Actually, Chennai's winters are also slightly on the warm and humid side, at least during the daytime.
This summer has been, incredibly, even warmer and more humid than Chennai's usual standards. But I did not notice it much. Well, let's say I chose to notice it much later than everyone else. While most people started commenting about the weather in April, I managed to refrain till a couple of days ago.
My secret? Habit.
For 14 of the past 15 summers, I have been out of Chennai, mainly in the US and UK where the height of summer isn't till July (some years in the UK, not even then). Even Qatar doesn't get outrageously hot till August. So, in my mind, April simply cannot be hot. Never mind that the temperature was nearly 100 F most of the time and that people were suffering from heatstroke (and worse) in parts of the country; it's April! Ergo, it cannot be hot.
Then came May, and with it came power failures at inconvenient times, and even I have to admit it's a tad on the warm side now (105+). Oh, well. It was cool while I managed to fool myself.

My civic duty

It only took 15 years, but yesterday I finally got to vote in a General Election. I didn't become eligible to vote in India till 1993, and I missed every General and State election since then because I was always overseas, and India doesn't have absentee ballots (half a billion people vote here, who is going to miss a few thousand scattered throughout the country?). Actually, I was in India for the 2004 General Elections, but my records were incorrect so I was ruled ineligible to vote. This time, however, I got it done.

Actually, I very nearly put this on my Bucket List.

The rehabilitation of stinkers

One of the great benefits that a cricket fan had till recently was that there wasn’t much cause to change one’s opinion about the players. Cricket has traditionally been divided on geographical lines: a player represented his local club , then his state or county, and ultimately his national team. There’s very little changing of teams by players. So once you decided you didn’t like someone, you could carry that hate pretty much till the player retired.

Then came the Indian Premier League, an American franchise-style tournament with players from around the world playing for teams based in eight Indian cities. This posed a dilemma. The team based in Chennai, the Super Kings, has for two of its star performers Matthew Hayden of Australia and Mutthiah Muralidharan of Sri Lanka. The problem? I’ve loathed these two guys for years. Now I love 'em.

Am I fickle? Not a bit. In my mind, they’ve undergone repentance (by joining my team) and I’ve forgiven them. Being a star player for one of my teams wipes out a multitude of sins. Welcome to my world.

(Mind you, when Murali represents Sri Lanka, I still loathe him. My forgiveness is not yet unconditional.)

Happy Star Wars Day...

May the Fourth be with you.

May Day!

In honour of May Day, here's the funniest commercial I've ever seen:

Pun of the weak #29

Some people are so out of control they couldn't exercise restraint even if they had a dog named 'Restraint'.

Pun of the weak #28 - Part Two

Why did Scottie enter the ladies' restroom? He thought the sign said "laddies".

PS: I told that one to a notoriously taciturn Scottish girl I knew in England, and even she laughed at the second one.

Pun of the Weak #28

Why did Captain Kirk go into the ladies' restroom? He wanted to boldly go where no man had gone before.

Birthday shoutout

Today is my great friend (emphasis on the word "great") Shauna's birthday. She was born on a Friday the 13th, which only goes to show that it is unlucky only for some people, not all.

Shauna loves the Canon in D by Pachelbel, but I'm fairly confident she hasn't seen/heard this version. Enjoy your birthday, Shauna.

Perfect timing

There's half an hour left on Holy Saturday. Just about the right time to get cracking on giving up procrastination for Lent.

Pun of the weak #27

The inspector of Sûreté chased his quarry down the streets of Paris. The desperado tore down the Left Bank, trying to lose himself amongst the crowds of tourists. Unfortunately for him, however, he collided with an ice cream cart and fell into the river. The policeman apprehended him while he was still in the river and hauled him off to the police station.
The thief, however, was unrepentant.
"Ha, Monsieur le policeman! You will never have me convicted for this crime!"
He was right.
The judge let him go, because, when he was arrested, he was in Seine.
- - -
(We will now take a short break from blogging in order to allow the enormity of this joke to sink in.)

Mere books?

From "Guards! Guards!" by Terry Pratchett:

"The truth is that even big collections of ordinary books distort space, as can readily be proved by anyone who has been around a really old-fashioned second-hand bookshop, one of those that look as though they were designed by M. Escher* on a bad day and has more staircases than storeys and those rows of shelves which end in little doors that are surely too small for a full-sized human to enter. The relevant equation is: Knowledge=power=energy=matter=mass; a good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read."

* Link 1, Link 2

"Relativity" by M. Escher

The Goldilocks Zone

Till very recently, I had two pillows on my bed.
I preferred the one that was nice and firm, until I started waking up with shoulder and neck aches on a regular basis.
"This one is too hard."
So I switched to the other pillow and it worked for a while. Then I started waking up with a different set of shoulder and neck aches.
"The one is too soft."
Last week I bought a different brand of pillow from a department store. One week on, there have been no aches at all.
"This one is just right."
And they all lived happily ever after.

Bollywood update

I am not the biggest fan of Indian movies; I normally find them over-melodramatic and too artificial. I can handle some of the songs, but most of the time they only get in the way of the story (if there is one).

So, it's rather unusual for me to be watching a lot of Bollywood movies in quick succession. What is more unusual is that I enjoyed these movies. All the movies were recommended to me by others. Perhaps my enjoyment of them has something to do with the place from where the recommendations originated:
Lagaan: recommended to me by a guy whom I met in Provo, Utah.
Om Shanti Om: recommended to me by a friend who was living in Provo, Utah, at the time.
Kismat Konnection: recommended by a friend who is currently living in Provo, Utah.

Since when did the denizens of Provo, Utah become authorities on Bollywood movies?

Pun of the weak #27

No one can ever call me a barefaced liar. I have a beard and moustache.

Theological conundrum

In the Book of Genesis, God is attributed to having said that He has created man in His own image.
How then does one reconcile oneself to a Supreme Being who looks like both Mickey Rourke and Hugh Jackman?

PS: My apologies if this offends anyone.

Pun of the weak #26

I was laid low for 24 hours last week with a spectacular head cold. I'm blaming it on an e-mail I'd received a few days earlier from a friend who said that she and all those around her were suffering from severe colds.

Whassamatter? You never heard of viruses being transmitted over the Internet?

Jai Ho!

Chennai's own A. R. Rahman has just picked up back-to-back Oscars for Best Original Score and Best Song for his work on "Slumdog Millionaire". Jai Ho*, Rahman bhai!

Congratulations also to Resul Pookkutty, the first Indian film technician to be ever be nominated for an Oscar, for his win in the Sound Mixing category for "Slumdog...".

* "Jai Ho", the song for which Rahman won his second award, translates to "Be victorious".
Yes, there is a reason behind the change in the choice of music on the blog.

And the winner is...

Here are the results of my own personal Oscar awards (extremely personal, as it turns out, considering only two people even voted):

Best Picture: 1943 - Casablanca
Best Actor: 2004 - Jamie Foxx in "Ray"
Best Actress: 1953 - Audrey Hepburn in "Roman Holiday" (watch)
Best Supporting Actor: 1988 - Kevin Kline in "A Fish Called Wanda"
Best Supporting Actress: 1998 - Judi Dench in "Shakespeare in Love"
Best Song: 1971 - Theme from Shaft from "Shaft" (watch)

A few notes:
Best Picture: It ought to have been "Gandhi", but it is tough watching that movie more than once. And I didn't include "The Apartment" in my short-list, as I don't think anyone else would have seen it, which is a pity. Those of you who have never seen it, take my advice and do so.
Best Actor: This is my favourite Oscar winner. When I heard that Jamie Foxx was going to portray Ray Charles, I thought it was a joke. There's no way that that unfunny comic could pull off that role. Was there? I went to see that movie expecting a trainwreck, I came out marvelling. Jamie Foxx was Ray Charles.
Best Actress: Although not my personal winner here, Julie Andrews' acceptance speech for her win at the Golden Globes is my winner for best speech. Andrews had starred on stage as Eliza Doolittle in "My Fair Lady", but Jack Warner of Warner Bros. decided she was too unknown for the movie version, and cast Audrey Hepburn instead. Andrews' consolation prize was practically perfect as Walt Disney cast her as Mary Poppins, and after winning the Best Actress award for "Mary Poppins", she ended her speech by thanking the man who made it all possible, Jack Warner. (Watch her Golden Globes speech here, and her Oscar speech here.)
Best Supporting Actor: Loved them all. Not a dud among the five of them. If you like heist movies, do yourself a favour and try to get ahold of "Topkapi".
Best Supporting Actress: Most of these are duds. I liked Dame Judi's acerbic portrayal of Queen Elizabeth I just a little more than the others.
Best Song: Again, not a dud among the lot of them. "The Way You Look Tonight" (watch the original performance) is one of my favourite songs, but the Theme from "Shaft" is the coolest Oscar winner ever. Here is the opening sequence to the movie. Can you dig it?

Enjoy...

Weather you like it or not

What's going on with planet earth? The same time that the state of Victoria in Australia has been undergoing quite terrible bushfires brought on by a heatwave and drought, Britain is experiencing it's heaviest snowfall in almost two decades. Heck, next door to Victoria, parts of New South Wales have been declared disaster areas due to floods!

Even we in Chennai have not been spared. This past December was the coldest in several years with night-time temperatures plunging to below 18 degrees Celsius (65 Fahrenheit)!

Er, doesn't quite compare, does it? I mean, even New Kids on the Block were cooler than that.

Still, with all the weird weather of late, I wouldn't be surprised if residents of, say, Provo, Utah, suddenly woke up to find that it's raining men.

Pun of the weak #25

The newspaper's drama critic was evidently less-than-impressed with the local amateur dramatical society's Shakespeare production. This was taken from his review:
John Smith played Hamlet last night...Hamlet lost.

What's Going On? #6

The scenes from the bushfires in the areas around Melbourne, Australia have been horrific.
But the thought that some of the fires could have been re-lit by arsonists beggars belief. Sometimes I wonder if humans really are God's ultimate creation.

Oscar time

'Tis the season of self-congratulation in the movie world with Golden Globes, SAGs, BAFTAs, et al. leading up to the big daddy, the Academy Awards. Are you excited?! Neither am I. I used to have some interest if I'd seen any of the movies that are nominated, but I've had a hard time taking the Oscars seriously ever since "Dude, Where's My Car" failed to get nominated for Best Picture.

So, to drum up a little bit of interest in the Oscars, I'm going to dwell a little in the past. I've chosen my five favourite winners from six Oscar categories, and you can vote on the ones from those five that you liked best. Then we'll see how your choices match mine.

The selection criteria are fairly simple: 1. Only Academy Award winners that I've seen are eligible for nomination.

That's about it. If you don't see you favourite winner here...that's tough. I am the only member of this academy.

So go ahead and make your selection by leaving a comment (and encourage your friends and family to do the same). And if there's one that you think I have shamefully overlooked, then feel free to make your case.

Here are the nominees:

Best Picture

1. 1934 - It Happened One Night
2. 1943 - Casablanca
3. 1982 - Gandhi
4. 2000 - Gladiator
5. 2003 - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Best Actor

1. 1934 - Clark Gable in "It Happened One Night"
2. 1953 - William Holden in "Stalag 17"
3. 1972 - Marlon Brando in "The Godfather"
4. 1982 - Ben Kingsley in "Gandhi"
5. 2004 - Jamie Foxx in "Ray"

Best Actress

1. 1953 - Audrey Hepburn in "Roman Holiday"
2. 1964 - Julie Andrews in "Mary Poppins"
3. 1989 - Jessica Tandy in "Driving Miss Daisy"
4. 1997 - Helen Hunt in "As Good as it Gets"
5. 1998 - Gwyneth Paltrow in "Shakespeare in Love"

Best Supporting Actor

1. 1964 - Peter Ustinov in "Topkapi"
2. 1988 - Kevin Kline in "A Fish Called Wanda"
3. 1993 - Tommy Lee Jone in "The Fugitive"
4. 2000 - Benicio del Toro in "Traffic"
5. 2004 - Morgan Freeman in "Million Dollar Baby"

Best Supporting Actress

1. 1950 - Josephine Hull in "Harvey"
2. 1990 - Whoopi Goldberg in "Ghost"
3. 1996 - Juliette Binoche in "The English Patient"
4. 1998 - Judi Dench in "Shakespeare in Love"
5. 2001 - Jennifer Connelly in "A Beautiful Mind"

Best Song

1. 1936 - The Way You Look Tonight from "Swing Time"
2. 1964 - Chim Chim Cher-ee from "Mary Poppins"
3. 1971 - Theme from Shaft from "Shaft"
4. 1989 - Under the Sea from "The Little Mermaid"
5. 2001 - If I Didn't Have You from "Monsters, Inc."

Movie Mania - Results

Here are the results of the movie quiz that I posted three weeks ago. You did really well, but there were one or two that I thought someone would get.

1. I have since heard of people under extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed. "A Christmas Story" -- Libby

2. Man has climbed Mount Everest, gone to the bottom of the ocean. He's fired rockets at the Moon, split the atom, achieved miracles in every field of human endeavour... except crime! "Goldfinger" -- Libby

3. I'd like to spell it out for you...only I can't spell! - "The Apartment" (1960 Academy Award for Best Picture; currently #89 on imdb.com's Top 250.)

4. Will you look at that! Look how she moves! It's like Jell-O on springs. Must have some sort of built-in motor or something. I tell you, it's a whole different sex! "Some Like it Hot" -- Miriam

5. “Do you know what's wrong with you?” “No, what?” “Nothing!” "Charade" - James (Nexus-6)

6. "X" never, ever marks the spot. "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" -- Joshua T

7. A movie! That's your problem! You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie. "Sleepless in Seattle" -- Libby

8. Our people, our people. I would have would have followed you, my brother... my captain... my king. "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" -- Joshua T

9. No, you're not a bad mother. You're just a barking lunatic. "About a Boy" - James (Nexus-6)

10. It's spooky! She knows more about you than you do! -- "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" (I was really surprised no one got this one.)

11. Do not speak to me of rules. This is war! This is not a game of cricket! "Bridge on the River Kwai" -- Libby

12. Okay, now I'm going back to Graduate School. That was the agreement. "Mystery Men" - James (Nexus-6)

13. Mary Ellen Moffat. She broke my heart. "Jaws" -- Joshua T

14. Tell me what to say. But don't tell me what to say. "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" -- Amy

15. If he'd just pay me what he's spending to make me stop robbing him, I'd stop robbing him. -- "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" (Won 4 Academy Awards for 1969; ranked 149 on imdb.com's Top 250.)

16. Every story's gets to have a really big coincidence and here's ours: -- "George of the Jungle" (One of my favourite lines of all time.)

17. Food is fuel. You get picky about what you put in the tank, your engine is gonna die. Now shut up and eat your garbage. "Ratatouille" - Charlotte

18. If you want to do something to make your mama proud, promise me. Promise me you won't let nobody turn you into no cripple, you won't become no charity case, and you'll stand on your own two feet. -- "Ray" (Academy Award winner for Best Actor in 2004, although this was said to Ray Charles by his mama.)

19. If you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth. -- "Gandhi" (Won eight Academy Awards for 1982, including Best Picture; #165 on imdb.com's Top 250.)

20. Are you interested in joining? The benefits are terrific. The trick is not to get killed. That's really the key to the benefit program. "The In-Laws" -- Libby

21. Please consider me as an alternative to suicide. "The Princess Bride" -- Amy

22. A - You can never go too far. B - If I'm gonna get busted, it is not gonna be by a guy like that. "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" -- Dave Hale

23. Michael O'Sullivan was my great friend. But I don't ever remember telling him that. The words that are spoken at a funeral are spoken too late for the man who is dead. What a wonderful thing it would be to visit your own funeral. To sit at the front and hear what was said, maybe say a few things yourself. Michael and I grew old together. But at times, when we laughed, we grew young. If he was here now, if he could hear what I say, I'd congratulate him on being a great man, and thank him for being a friend. "Waking Ned Devine" -- Libby

24. When a girl is under 21, she's protected by law. When she's over 65, she's protected by nature. Anywhere in between, she's fair game. Look out. -- "Operation Petticoat" (Said by my favourite actor, Cary Grant.)

25. For what we are about to see next, we must enter quietly into the realm of genius. "Young Frankenstein" -- Libby

US Presidential Inauguration Special

With my previous convictions for having followed the US Presidential election on this blog last year, I was duty-bound to write a post on the Inauguration of Barack Obama as the President of the United States. Unfortunately, I've been unwell of late and haven't been up to composition. Fortunately, I can still read, and I found that I couldn't express it any better than Gregg Easterbrook did in his Tuesday Morning Quarterback column on espn.com:

In national news, Tuesday is the inauguration of Barack Obama as 44th president of the United States. We've been so wrapped up in various forms of financial panic, real or imagined, that some may have lost sight of what a great day this is for America. Regardless of whether Obama ultimately proves to be an outstanding president or an average chief executive or a dud, only in America could this happen. A country whose eternal shame is that it once held slaves elects a black man as its leader, and a black man who came from nothing, entirely self-made. Obama is so appealing because he is the embodiment of the American story -- and that story is still in the early chapters. Today every American, even those who exercised their right to oppose Obama, should beam with pride. Until now I felt proudest to be an American on July 20, 1969, when Neil Armstrong put his foot on the moon. I thought then, "No other nation can accomplish such a thing, no other nation can dream so big." Today I feel prouder, because Obama represents a much grander and more important dream. Today America proves to the world that we meant what we said about freedom and equality.

Pun of the week #24

Jock, the painter, often would thin his paint so it would go further. So when the local Church decided to do some deferred maintenance, Jock was able to put in the low bid, and got the job. As always, he thinned his paint way down with turpentine.
One day while he was up on the scaffolding — the job almost finished — he heard a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened.
The downpour washed the thinned paint off the church and knocked Jock off his scaffold and onto the lawn among the gravestones and puddles of thinned and worthless paint.
Jock knew this was a warning from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: “Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?”
And from the thunder, a mighty voice (you’re going to love this):

“REPAINT! REPAINT! AND THIN NO MORE!”

Tagged...again

Rules:

Link to the person that tagged you—this would be Tiffany.

Post the rules on your blog.

Share 6 non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.

Tag 6 random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.

Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

My 6 non-important quirks (What? Don't you guys know enough about me already??):

1. Whenever I visit a new country, I seek out the local chocolate. I almost failed in Spain, because they cleverly import almost all of theirs from Switzerland, France or Belgium, but I did succeed eventually.
   Another interesting search was in Holland. I didn't know if the Dutch made chocolate, so I asked my host, Jos. He said there was a good brand called Droste, and that it was made in his hometown. I wrote down the name and went looking for it in the supermarkets. I found a box, bought it, and subsequently found it to be delicious. The sequel: I now notice that practically every airport Duty Free shop that I pass sells Droste chocolate.
   (PS: American chocolate is useless.)
2. I have over 25 shot glasses from Hard Rock Cafes around the world, almost all of which were bought by me. The three that weren’t (Las Vegas, Hong Kong and Singapore) were from places that I had previously visited. That’s the rule: only from places that I have visited. A friend of mine went to Lisbon on holiday and offered to buy me a shot glass, but I declined her generous offer as I’ve never been there.
3. I haven’t owned a car for the past five years. In fact, I’ve only driven on two occasions since 2003. Give it up for public transport in Europe and Asia (and a smaller carbon footprint pour moi)!
4. I became a fan of the San Antonio Spurs without knowing where San Antonio even was. Actually, I became a fan of David Robinson during the 1992 Olympics and decided to support the team for which he played, which happened to be the San Antonio Spurs. Good decision.
5. I will hardly ever print on one side of the paper. If the printer has a duplex setting, I will use that. If it doesn’t, I will feed the paper by hand so that I can print on both sides of the paper. My little way of giving some love back to the trees.
6. I seem to enjoy movies set in France. Charade, To Catch a Thief, the Pink Panther movies, Ronin, The Transporter…heck, I even started to like Mr. Bean after watching Mr. Bean’s Holiday ("O Mio Babbino Caroooooo…").

And now for the good part: tagging people. Well, I'm tagging people without checking if they've been tagged previously or not. If you have, now you have extra reason to get on with it. I tag:

• Alina
• Bobbie
• Christy
• Dave
• Erica
• Jill F (This is the closest I could get to F)

What's in a name?

We've all come across names that seem strange to us. My own name, for all you non-Indians, results in any number of variations in pronunciation. The most extreme case was when someone addressed me as "Mr. Carr". Still, I don't think that's as unfortunate as former England cricketer, Sir Ian Botham, whose has legions of fans in India who pronounce his name as "Iron Bottom".

There are also names that make us laugh, as they have silly/embarrassing connotations due to differences in languages, cultures and vernacular. Therefore public figures like footballers Nicky Butt and Dean Windass or British politician Virginia Bottomley always cause a juvenile grin whenever their names are heard. I'd always thought that the most unfortunate name of all-time was that of champion Russian figure skater, Irina Slutskaya (poor girl).

That is until I returned to India last June and heard about an actress called Asin. Seriously? She claims her name means "without blemish and pure", but that is not what comes to my mind whenever I come across that name. I think it's even more inappropriate than those who spell their name Sindy.

On the bright side, her name reminds me of one of my favourite songs, the Pet Shop Boys' "It's a Sin".

Here's a site with more funny names, some of which are actually real.

Pun of the weak #23

A low-quality sausage is the result of a butcher doing his wurst.

Movie Mania

It's quiz time! I've seen this doing the rounds on Facebook and I thought I'd see if it would work here on the blog. These are the rules:
• Pick 20 of your favourite movies (I'm going to be generous and pick 25).
• Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
• Post them in a note for everyone to guess.
• Change font to bold when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie (so this will be updated as and when someone guesses correctly; I may re-post on a weekly basis few times).
• NO USING GOOGLE/using IMDB search functions. Feel free to ask friends and family, though (if you are really stuck on a topic for conversation).

1. I have since heard of people under extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed. "A Christmas Story" -- Libby

2. Man has climbed Mount Everest, gone to the bottom of the ocean. He's fired rockets at the Moon, split the atom, achieved miracles in every field of human endeavour... except crime! "Goldfinger" -- Libby

3. I'd like to spell it out for you...only I can't spell!

4. Will you look at that! Look how she moves! It's like Jell-O on springs. Must have some sort of built-in motor or something. I tell you, it's a whole different sex! "Some Like it Hot" -- Miriam

5. “Do you know what's wrong with you?” “No, what?” “Nothing!” "Charade" - James (Nexus-6)

6. "X" never, ever marks the spot. "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" -- Joshua T

7. A movie! That's your problem! You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie. "Sleepless in Seattle" -- Libby

8. Our people, our people. I would have would have followed you, my brother... my captain... my king. "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" -- Joshua T

9. No, you're not a bad mother. You're just a barking lunatic. "About a Boy" - James (Nexus-6)

10. It's spooky! She knows more about you than you do!

11. Do not speak to me of rules. This is war! This is not a game of cricket! "Bridge on the River Kwai" -- Libby

12. Okay, now I'm going back to Graduate School. That was the agreement. "Mystery Men" - James (Nexus-6)

13. Mary Ellen Moffat. She broke my heart. "Jaws" -- Joshua T

14. Tell me what to say. But don't tell me what to say. "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" -- Amy

15. If he'd just pay me what he's spending to make me stop robbing him, I'd stop robbing him.

16. Every story's gets to have a really big coincidence and here's ours:

17. Food is fuel. You get picky about what you put in the tank, your engine is gonna die. Now shut up and eat your garbage. "Ratatouille" - Charlotte

18. If you want to do something to make your mama proud, promise me. Promise me you won't let nobody turn you into no cripple, you won't become no charity case, and you'll stand on your own two feet.

19. If you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth.

20. Are you interested in joining? The benefits are terrific. The trick is not to get killed. That's really the key to the benefit program. "The In-Laws" -- Libby

21. Please consider me as an alternative to suicide. "The Princess Bride" -- Amy

22. A - You can never go too far. B - If I'm gonna get busted, it is not gonna be by a guy like that. "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" -- Dave Hale

23. Michael O'Sullivan was my great friend. But I don't ever remember telling him that. The words that are spoken at a funeral are spoken too late for the man who is dead. What a wonderful thing it would be to visit your own funeral. To sit at the front and hear what was said, maybe say a few things yourself. Michael and I grew old together. But at times, when we laughed, we grew young. If he was here now, if he could hear what I say, I'd congratulate him on being a great man, and thank him for being a friend. "Waking Ned Devine" -- Libby

24. When a girl is under 21, she's protected by law. When she's over 65, she's protected by nature. Anywhere in between, she's fair game. Look out.

25. For what we are about to see next, we must enter quietly into the realm of genius. "Young Frankenstein" -- Libby

Good luck!

Arise, Sir Terry

My favourite living author, Terry Pratchett, was awarded a knighthood in the New Year's Honours List that was announced at the end of December. I was delighted by the news as Pratchett's...er, Sir Terry's...hmm, Sir Terence's?...nah, Sir Terry it is on this blog. Sorry, where were we?

Oh, yes. I was delighted because Sir Terry's writing style is absolutely wonderful in my opinion, and his most famous creation, Discworld (a flat world balanced on the backs of four elephants which, in turn, stand on the back of a giant turtle, Great A'Tuin) has previously been described on this blog as "sublimely lunatic", and I stand by that description.

The strange thing is that I am not normally much of a chap for the fantasy genre. Even "The Lord of the Rings" and Harry Potter required the movies to provide incentive for me to read them. I picked up my first Discworld book, "Monstrous Regiment", solely on the advice of a friend who seemed to share similar literary tastes to mine. I've read about a dozen or so of the Discworld books so far, and only wish I could put life on hold for a while to be able to read the rest of them. One reason why I like Sir Terry's writing so much is because one of his influences is my favourite author of all time, P. G. Wodehouse. The Discworld novels have a wonderfully entertaining style about them, just like Wodehouse's stories, and a fair dose of spot-on satire as well.

While reading the BBC article announcing the Honours List, I was stunned to discover that Sir Terry suffers from a rare form of early-onset Alzheimer's disease. It is such a shock to think that the man's wonderfully imaginative brain, that has provided me with so much delight, may slowly be shrivelling up and dying.

Sir Terry has donated $1 million to the Alzheimer's Research Trust, and an internet campaign has been set-up called "Match It for Pratchett", which aims to raise another million for the same purpose. Please do what you can, and also spread the word. I have put a permanent link to the site on the left of my blog if you need to find the site later on.

PS: Great quote from Sir Terry: "Wikipedia, eh? Must be accurate then!"

Happy New Year