News of the weird #2

This absolutely fantastic story showed up in the paper a couple of days ago, and then on the BBC website that night. Enjoy!
* * *
CHINESE GIRL GETS 'KISS OF DEAF'
A young Chinese woman was left partially deaf following a passionate kiss from her boyfriend.
The 20-something from Zhuhai in Guangdong province arrived at hospital having completely lost the hearing in her left ear, said local reports.
The incident prompted a series of articles in the local media warning of the dangers of excessive kissing. "While kissing is normally very safe, doctors advise people to proceed with caution," wrote the China Daily.
The doctor who treated the girl in hospital was quoted in the paper explaining what had happened. "The kiss reduced the pressure in the mouth, pulled the eardrum out and caused the breakdown of the ear."
The chorus of warnings was echoed by the Shanghai Daily, which wrote: "A strong kiss may cause an imbalance in the air pressure between two inner ears and lead to a broken ear drum."
The young woman is expected to regain her full hearing within about two months.
* * *
I guess that's one boyfriend who won't be whispering sweet nothings for a while.

The High Tech way to go about it...

I found this in The Times of India Lifestyle section yesterday. I think it's great.

INSTALL LOVE, IT IS REALLY QUITE SIMPLE
Try to install love in the folder of your heart...it's really not that difficult!
Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support : Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer : Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready, as long as you walk me through the steps. Tell me now, what do I do first?
Tech Support : The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer : Yes, but there are several other programmes running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support : Er... what programmes are running, can you list them for me?
Customer : Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support : No problem, you can go right ahead. Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programmes. Love will eventually override Low Self-esteem with a module of its own called High Self-esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programmes prevent Love from being properly installed. Tell me, can you turn those off?
Customer : Umm... let me see. Actually, I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how? Please help.
Tech Support : With pleasure. It's really quite simple. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer : Okay, done! Wow, Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support : Yes, but remember that you have only the base programme. It's quite basic. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer : Oops! I have an error message already. It says, 'Error’ Programme not run on external components.' What should I do now?
Tech Support : Don't worry, relax. It means that the Love programme is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer : So, what should I do?
Tech Support : Pull down Self-acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive Self; Realise Your Worth; and Acknowledge Your Limitations.
Customer : Okay, done. That wasn't too difficult.
Tech Support : Now, copy them to the 'My Heart' directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer : Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support : Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to pass it and its various modules around to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer : Thank you, thank you so much.

What I wouldn't do for this man...

Entering the current English Premier League season, Rafa Benítez was working on a few unwanted streaks in the EPL. In his previous four seasons as manager of my beloved Liverpool Football Club, Rafa's teams hadn't a) beaten Manchester United, b) beaten a Steve Bruce-managed team, or c) scored at Stamford Bridge against Chelsea (and naturally, hadn't won any of those matches). Nothing suggested that Liverpool would end any of those streaks this season either.

Let's recap the events of the season so far:

a) 13 September 2008: I was making my way back down the Nilgiri hills from Ooty. Meanwhile at Anfield, Liverpool beat Manchester United 2-1.

b) 18 October 2008: I was taking a rather sombre and melancholy walk around Koregaon Park neighbourhood in Pune, trying to sort out a few things in my head. Meanwhile at Anfield, Dirk Kuyt scored a last-gasp winner as Liverpool beat Steve Bruce's Wigan 3-2.

c) 26 October 2008: I was enjoying the hospitality of an old family friend in Goa, feasting on his wife's delicious Goan prawn curry and chicken shakoothi. Meanwhile at Stamford Bridge, Liverpool ended Chelsea's 86-game home unbeaten streak, 1-0.

Sense a pattern? I'm out of town, Liverpool end a dubious streak. And of course I take all the credit. However, if Rafa expects me to head out of town everytime Liverpool have a tough match...I'll, um, think about it.

This is true love - you think this happens every day?

;-)