Tchau, Alphonso

Summer in India can have many drawbacks: it's blisteringly hot, it's humid, There are often water and electricity problems. But there is one glorious feature that makes life worth living: mangoes. Specifically, Alphonso mangoes.



Deriving its name from the Portuguese naval commander, Afonse de Albuquerque, Alphonsoes have yellow skins and juicy, sweet, yellow-coloured flesh. Some people (and I agree with them) consider Alphonso the King of the Mangoes.



It's too bad that the season is only two months long, May and June, although this year the season was delayed by a few days so we will still get them in July.



I have seen people eat mangoes in a most civilised manner: they slice them, then use a spoon to separate the flesh from the skin, and then serve them on plates with a fork.



Not me.



For me, eating an Alphonso is a very tactile experience. I don't consider it a worthwhile experience unless I get some of the juice somewhere on my cheek (not intentionally, of course) and I need dental floss afterwards to clean my teeth. Why floss? Well, I usually scrape the seed with my teeth to get every last bit of juice from the fruit. Did I mention the season is only two months long? Civility with fruit can be managed during the other ten months of the year.



Hey, at least I don't go as far as the woman in this article. Well, not anymore, I don't.



Sadly, this June, like its careless brethren of yesteryear, is about to give way to July, and so it will soon be time to bid Alphonso a fond farewell for another year. Until May, Alphonso, tchau.

Pun of the weak #7

How do you get down from an elephant?

You don't. You get down from a goose.



* * *



How long did it take you to figure that one out? It took me two decades.

Olé!

Congratulations, Spain! Well deserved victory over the Germans in Euro 2008. For the first time in my life, my pre-tournament favourites have gone on and actually won the tournament. (That's what happens when you support England every time. This time they didn't qualify for the Championships, and I was free to latch on to another team.)

That Fernando Torres became the first Liverpool player to ever score in a major international tournament final (what a great goal it was, too) is a sweet bonus.

Old habits...

Woo-hoo! It's the final of Euro 2008 tonight. What an excellent tournament it's been. Such fantastic attacking play from every team -- even the Italians (at times).



And, of course, I am delighted that my team for the tournament, Spain, have made it to the final. I hope they beat the despised Germans...



Why?

Huh? Who are you?



Your conscience. Why do you hope Spain beat Germany?

Because Spanish striker Torres had such a great season for Liverpool last year.



So, if Torres wasn't playing, would you hope for the same result?

It's not just Torres. Pepe Reina, Alvarao Arbeloa and Xabi Alonso are on the subs' bench. And Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez is Spanish.



But take away those guys whom you've never met, will you still support Spain?

Um, yes.



How many Spanish friends do you have?

None.



How many Germans have personally gone above and beyond the call of duty to help you out when you were a stranger to them?

Er, over half-a-dozen.



How many Spanish products do you own?

None.



What's the only brand of pen you've paid money for in the past five years, and where is it made?

Staedtler. And it's made in Germany.



Where does the software that you use at your job originate?

Germany.



How many times have you flown on a Spanish airline?

None.



How do you fancy another flight on Lufthansa?

Ooh, can I? I love that airline.



So, with all that, how come you are rooting for Spain to beat Germany?

Because it's Germany, dang it! I grew up in England. I root for three teams: England, and whoever is playing Germany and/or France! And I have no idea what to do when Germany play France!



* * *

Such, dear readers, is the logical mind of a sports fan.



Viva, Espana! (At least for tonight.)

Pun of the Weak #6

Did you hear about the college student who was arrested while doing his calculus homework after having a few beers with his friends? He was charged with drinking and deriving.

O Tempora O Mores #2

I told you the previous story about my choosing which camera to buy to set up this story about my laptop purchase.

I have had my laptop for over five years now. It wasn't exactly top-of-the-line when I bought it, but after travelling to six countries with me, and now bearing the resultant bumps and bruises, it has definitely started to show its age. So I have been thinking of upgrading for some time now.

I nearly did so in Qatar, but I didn't. On returning to India, my choices had been narrowed down to two brands, Sony and Toshiba. I went to the respective showrooms and got an idea of which one I preferred.

I then did the sensible thing. I came home and typed the name of two models in a Google search box, the Sony Vaio VGN-CR 36/B and the Toshiba A200-E562D.

This is what I found.

Lightning strikes again.

Incidentally, I went with for reliability.





But I nearly went for the fashion statement.

Pun of the Weak #5

Why don't nuns get piggyback rides from circus clowns?

Because that would be virgin on the ridiculous.

O Tempora O Mores #1

This is the title under which I will make my observations about how technology is influencing life in general, and mine in particular.

* * *

I remained a stubborn holdout against the digital bandwagon in the world of cameras for a number of years. Not that I had anything against going digital: I was just waiting for the number of megapixels on offer to reach my minimum threshold of 8.0, and at an affordable price.

Also, for the past few years, I've been using my cousin's very nifty Nikon F-601 SLR camera, and I was very pleased with the results. So I was not going to go for a compact digital camera, but one of the big daddies, a digital SLR.

Last year, by the time I got to Qatar, I had identified the one that I wanted: the Canon 400D. Unfortunately, every time I went to the mall to buy it, it was out of stock.

Finally, it showed up in December, just before Christmas. I was stoked. Until I discovered that it didn't come with a memory card, and also without a proper bag. That made the quoted price not that attractive.

I was with my friend, Shaun, at the time, and he suggested we look at a couple of stores to see if any of them had the camera in stock. We went into another store which didn't have my camera, but had the Olympus E-510 on sale. It looked very nice, but I wasn't too sure as I hadn't done any research on it, and it was a little more expensive than the Canon.

Shaun then told me that there was an Internet Cafe a few doors down in the mall, and we could go and do a little research there. I went to Google, and then typed in the two camera models in the search box.

This is what I found. Someone was looking out for me.

Change is good...

No, this isn't another post about Barack Obama (I can see how popular they are judging from the grand total of zero comments on them), but about the minor cosmetic changes in the blog.

First of all, thanks to Charlottalove for new blog title.

Second, the previous links list of friends' blogs has been replaced by the new "Blog List". In addition to providing a link to the blog, it also lets me know when the blog was last updated. I've set it so that the most recently update blog automatically jumps to the top of the list.

Third, I've added a list of my most frequently visited websites.

Fourth, the music player has been moved down the page, so you'll have to scroll down a bit if you want to turn off the annoying music.

Fifth, the blog archive has been moved to the bottom of the blog, accompanied by a list of Labels.

Thank you to all who come here and read my blog. Please feel free to return often...and feel equally free to leave (tasteful) comments.

City of Sequels

In the short time that I was in Pune last week, I nipped over to the cinema and watched a movie, and in doing so, completed an unusual sequence. While in Pune, I watched:

• the third "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie.

• the fourth "Indiana Jones" movie.

• the fifth "Harry Potter" movie.

Thank you

A couple of years ago, I re-encountered the Indian tradition of the birthday boy (or girl) throwing a party for friends, rather than the western tradition of the friends throwing the party or buying gifts.

And it got me thinking as to which was fairer. And I'm thinking that while it is really nice to get the gifts (and if anyone wants to send me some, I won't say no), what has the birthday boy (or girl) really achieved? One more trip around the sun. And if it wasn't for all his (or her) friends not throttling him (or her) or punching his (or her) lights out on every occasion that his (or her) behaviour so richly warranted such treatment, that trip would never have been completed.

So, for all of you who have allowed me to complete my latest trip around the sun, many, many thanks.

(I'm ignoring the irony that those most culpable for showing me kindness beyond what I deserve aren't actually going to read this blog).

Pun of the Weak #4

Last week in Pune, I was struggling with my cash flow. All I had was large currency, and I desperately needed some 10 and 20 rupee notes. I thought, "Where's Barack Obama and his change when you really need him?"

History is made...

Congratulations, Senator Obama.

While I do have some political convictions and opinions, I don't foresee them being expressed regularly on the blog (unlike really important topics like "Puns of the Weak"). However, I would like to congratulate Senator Barack Obama on becoming the Democratic Party's nominee for the 2008 US Presidential Elections.

This is a historic development, and one that I never thought I would see in my lifetime.

I am interested to see how far America will take this.

On the lighter side, a British comic remarked on BBC Radio that he hoped Sen. Obama would win, if only because he is the first person to take his campaign slogan from CBeebies: "Yes we can!" If the day comes for a President Obama to visit the Queen in London, will he also schedule an audience with his role model?

(This was meant to be posted over the weekend, but had to wait till my Internet access issues were sorted out.)

Pun of the Weak #3

A man spots a guy carrying a long stick outside an athletics stadium. He asked him, "Are you a pole vaulter?"

Came the reply, "No, I'm a German, but how did you know my name was Walther?"

Fashion tips for high fliers

I had meant to write this post before I left Doha, but now I have a second person to add some (arbitrary and unsubstantiated) weight to my point of view, so I can now appear more authoritative.

* * *

The resemblance between the real me and my passport photograph is rather superficial (sorry, there is no chance that I will post the actual photo on the Internet), and at times I am amazed that airport officials let me through without a second glance. They are either highly trained and can spot key similarities between the real me and the photograph, or they are extremely blase and couldn't care less what I do in their country. I hope it is the former.

However, a description of the clothes I wear when flying could be easily circulated around the airports of the world ought to suffice as proof of my identity and assure any doubtful airport staff that I am who I claim to be, because, I believe, I have worn pretty much the same clothes while taking a flight for the past four years.

There is a method to the consistency: I wear the heaviest of everything I own.

The heaviest shoes (usually sneakers).

The heaviest trousers (a pair of jeans).

The heaviest shirt (my Liverpool polo shirt).

The heaviest jacket (that won't cause me to melt).

And in my hand, I carry the heaviest book that I am carrying, and if possible (and if applicable), my camera.

Why? Because airlines will weigh your baggage, but they do not weigh the passenger.

There you have it: my method for shaving a few hundred grams off my baggage weight. And the method agrees with this guy's rules: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24281719/.

Verdict on the latest appearance of the man in a hat

I thought it was great.

And that baddie was just asking for it when he took off Indy's hat. BIG no-no.

Pun of the Weak #2

Did you hear about the underachieving dyslexic who was so determined to be successful that he sold his soul to Santa?

Debut from Pune

I have arrived in Pune without too much difficulty. No lost luggage, no fines for excess baggage (fortunately emotional baggage does not count), no delay in the flight, no unpleasant weather.

Having said that, a three hour flight that starts at 1:00 a.m. in the local time of the destination city is a pretty lousy flight. There's no time to sleep as they serve a meal at a ridiculous time of night, and unless you take this flight on the weekend, you'll be a zombie at work. Fortunately, I was given permission to stay in (I am staying with my friends, the Johnsons) and I got some sleep in the late morning.

Now, it's time to head off to bed for a proper night's rest.