One of the things that either amused me or drove me nuts (it was a fine line) when I was doing my MBA was business buzzwords. Things like using 'action' as a verb ("Let's action that item"), 'deliverables' (we aren't grocers, a pizza parlour or obstetricians--what are we delivering?), 'fast track', 'goal-setting', 'knowledge transfer' (it's just training), 'leverage' as a verb (I still don't know what that means), 'networking', 'paradigm shift', 'thinking outside the box' and 'value add' ("What is our value add?") have all caused me to scratch my head and wonder what planet I was on.
I am happy to tell you, dear reader, that I resolved to be above all this gobblydegook, and I have been successful.
Until now.
While in Hyderabad last week, we had a discussion on a presentation that we were giving that afternoon to a client. One of the guys asked how we should respond if we were asked a particular question. I said that the correct answer to that question is that the client themselves are responsible for a good portion of that particular task, and if they don't help us out, we would have a difficult time in succeeding.
"Yes," concurred the manager who was presiding over this meeting, "but you will have to re-phrase it, or else it seems like you are shifting all the responsibility and blame on the client."
I then experienced a surreal sensation as all that is good, logical and sensible in me seemed to float out of my body and what was left said, "Yes, we have to use positive negativity", and all that is good, logical and sensible screamed in my ear, "What?"
My loyal and devoted public, I am a fallen man. I have officially succumbed and gone over to the Dark Side of the business world. I am not just using business buzzwords, I am inventing them.
I only hope you will remember me fondly for the better man that I was.
I am happy to tell you, dear reader, that I resolved to be above all this gobblydegook, and I have been successful.
Until now.
While in Hyderabad last week, we had a discussion on a presentation that we were giving that afternoon to a client. One of the guys asked how we should respond if we were asked a particular question. I said that the correct answer to that question is that the client themselves are responsible for a good portion of that particular task, and if they don't help us out, we would have a difficult time in succeeding.
"Yes," concurred the manager who was presiding over this meeting, "but you will have to re-phrase it, or else it seems like you are shifting all the responsibility and blame on the client."
I then experienced a surreal sensation as all that is good, logical and sensible in me seemed to float out of my body and what was left said, "Yes, we have to use positive negativity", and all that is good, logical and sensible screamed in my ear, "What?"
My loyal and devoted public, I am a fallen man. I have officially succumbed and gone over to the Dark Side of the business world. I am not just using business buzzwords, I am inventing them.
I only hope you will remember me fondly for the better man that I was.
2 Comments:
I made BINGO cards for some coworkers since we always were bored in a staff meeting. The card consisted of buzz words the COO would use: target audience, bottom line, objective, expectations, goals, etc. I was even bold enough to give a BINGO card to the COO. He caught my hint that the meetings were boring and the cards were no longer needed.
How's that for positive negativity!
Yes, I am going through a personal clampdown of rubbish English aka Businessspeak. True, action is not a verb. Facilitate is a fancy word for help. To incentivise and mentee are not words. 'to engage' is overused, as is 'to communicate'. Managing expectations is the latest one.
But positive negativity? If I find that in the dictionary by this time next year... for shame. (though in context, genius!)
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