Pun of the weak #33

Is feeding someone oatmeal everyday considered gruel and unusual nourishment?

Michael Jackson

I was extremely surprised to learn just now of Michael Jackson's death on Thursday in Los Angeles, although I knew that he wasn't in the best of health for quite a while now.
I will admit that I've not been too impressed by him for many years now, but not for the problems in his personal life. No, my problem with Michael Jackson was this video (which, unfortunately, cannot be embedded):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-TZnNXXQrI
It was simply the greatest music video ever produced, and nothing he did after that ever came close to matching it. Every time I hear a creaking door, I expect to hear those familiar, spooky footsteps.
For "Thriller" alone, I'm grateful for the life of Michael Jackson.

'Scuse me, please while I...huh?!

Jimi Hendrix said he was going to "kiss the sky". Millions thought he was going to "kiss this guy", thus giving rise to probably the most famous mondegreen of all time.

What's a mondegreen? Well, it's a term coined in the 1950s by the writer Sylvia Wright (good name for a wrighter, er, writer), who, as a child, misheard the words the 17th century ballad "The Bonnie Earl O' Murray."

Ye Highlands and ye Lowlands,
Oh, where hae ye been?
They hae slain the Earl Amurray,
And Lady Mondegreen.

And young Sylvia felt so sad for Lady Mondegreen.

Years later, she discovered that what they had, in fact, done was slay the Earl of Murray and laid him on the green, and so she came up with the term, "Mondegreen" to represent what she'd done to her now non-existent heroine.

Enough with the history lesson. You know what a mondegreen really is, don't you? It's all those songs that you thought you were singing correctly, blissfully unaware of why everyone around you was rolling around in laughter. Or those songs that made you go, "Huh?" as you tried to make sense of the lyrics. Like this one did to me:

Life would be ecstasy/You and me and Leslie/Groovin'...

I thought that was kinky, even for the swingin' sixties. It took me years to realise that the Rascals were actually singing:

Life would be ecstasy/You and me endlessly/Groovin'...

Judging from the entries at Kissthisguy.com (warning: many hours of mirth to be obtained there), I'm not alone with this song.

This one, though, I know is an original:

If I said I love you, do you mind?/Mick and I'll love you, Do you mind?

About twenty years later, after listening to it repeatedly on a really good stereo, I finally divined that what Tony Newley was singing was:

If I said I love you, Do you mind?/Make an idol of you, Do you mind?

I hope Mick didn't mind being left out.

My mondegreens aren't restricted to English. Listen to the first song on my playlist. When I was a kid, this was a hit Hindi movie song, and the words of the first lines are:

Aap jaise koi meri zindagi mein aayen/To baath ban jaayen

(Idiomatic translation: If someone like you came into my life, it would be wonderful news)

My young ears, however, heard them as:

Aap jaise koi meri zindagi mein aayen/To baap ban jaayen

(Idiomatic translation: If someone like you came into my life, you'll become a father) Did I mention I nine when I was belting out these lyrics? Precocious.

So, what are your favourite mondegreens?

News of the weird #2

When I am confronted by a headline that reads 'Stoned wallabies make crop circles', the headline and its corresponding story have my attention. And this story was well worth my attention. I particularly enjoyed the comments at the bottom.

Rools phor Riting Gooder Inglish

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague.
6. Also, always absolutely avoid and abjure annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) inappropriate.
9. No sentence fragments.
10. One should never, ever generalise.
11. Contractions aren't necessary, and shouldn't be used.
12. Do not use no double negatives.
13. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
14. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.
15. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
16. Kill all exclamation marks!!!!!!
17. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
18. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place, and omit it when its not needed.
19. Puns are for children, not groan adults.
20. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Pun of the weak #32

Did you hear about the florist who had sons of contrasting intellectual capabilities? One was a budding genius, while the other was a blooming idiot.

The First of June

June 1st marked two unusual anniversaries for me.
First, it marked my being in India for one whole year. I haven't been in one country for at least 365 days in a row since I left the US in January 2004.
Second, it marked my being in Asia for three whole years. I haven't been in one continent for such an uninterrupted length of time since August 1993.
Life's really become dull of late.